Uncomfortable. Vulnerable. Much of life is spent trying to avoid these. There is much striving for being comfortable – physically, financially, socially. And to be vulnerable shows weakness not strength. But have you ever grown from remaining comfortable or closed off? Comfortability breeds complacency not growth. Being closed off breeds fear and shame, not joy.
Growth comes when we choose to accept the uncomfortable situations, not run from them. “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.” (Brene Brown in Daring Greatly) To most this sounds a little counter intuitive. Here’s the thing though, trying something new and outside the comfort of what you’re used to is the only way to grow. Sure, being vulnerable opens you up for the potential of failure, criticism and hurt, but it also brings others in and opens you up for love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity.
In leadership class we were asked to each do something for the group that make us feel uncomfortable and vulnerable. I will be playing guitar and singing a song. I have never done this before. The thought of playing and singing for people has always terrified me, like whole body shaking, throw-up in my mouth a little… terrified, but I’m going to do it.
For as long as I can remember the voice in my head has told me “Your skills on the guitar are not good enough. You don’t have a good voice.” For years I have accepted these as truth and never tried to improve musically. Despite the fact that since I was a little kid I have had a secret dream to be a rock star, I didn’t give myself much of a chance and actually have become very self-conscious of my voice and musical abilities. I chose to be comfortable and avoid the vulnerable place of trying. This choice, which I thought was “safe,” has not done me any good. It has only produced fear, sadness, disappointment and insecurity; none of the things listed above. Well, I now have a response for that voice that tells me my musical abilities are not good enough: “I. Don’t. care.”
I have made a commitment to myself to welcome opportunities to be vulnerable and be uncomfortable. And that means that I don’t listen to that voice anymore. It’s interesting, as I think about what I am getting ready to do, I’m not that nervous. Maybe it’s because I know the others are walking the same road of vulnerability with me. Maybe it’s because I have been through things with these people and I trust them. Maybe it’s because I’m tired of playing it safe. Maybe it’s because I desire to grow and I know that this will influence growth. Or maybe, just maybe, I am comfortable with being uncomfortable.
Whatever the reason, I know that succeed or fail, every time I get uncomfortable and act in vulnerability I destroy a wall that has boxed me into complacency, fear, and my insecurities. A question posed by Brene Brown in Daring Greatly I would like to pose to you now: “What is worth doing even if you fail?”
Live uncomfortable.
